61 Comments
User's avatar
Carol Finch's avatar

I’m in. Non-optional naps sound lush 😍

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Right? Me too.

Expand full comment
Jon Ofjord's avatar

This is great advice! Now I understand why I’m an abject failure!

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😆 Well at least we now know why we're abject failures

Expand full comment
John Cook's avatar

A douche of Bros has some colloquial appeal but also some cognitive dissonance. Why would you need to clean them?. A stench of bros might be a little bit more direct. Still doesn’t have the ring I’m looking for. How about a clusterfuck of bro’s? Clown Car of bro’s? Clown show of bro’s. That last one that’s the best I got.

Expand full comment
Heidi L's avatar

How about a douche canoe of bros? That implies a container / carrying vessel of sorts.

Just don't make me get into breaking down the etymology of "douche canoe"

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Ooh yes, a container-based solution.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Your dedication to a clusterfuck (the winner for me) of bros is admirable.

Expand full comment
John Cook's avatar

Since clownshow implies plural, I’d modify mine to “Clownshow of Bro”. I think that has a good feel and covers the thought.

Expand full comment
Mark Hayes's avatar

"An Administration of Bros"

That's how you play the Venereal Game at pro level, boys and girls!*

* Citation: An Exaltation of Larks or The Venereal Game, James Lipton, Grossman Publishing 1968

Expand full comment
RichF's avatar

Never heard the term "lazy wankmuffin," but instinctively love it. Not that I'd like to wank a muffin or anything.

Expand full comment
Mark Hayes's avatar

Suuuuuuuuure you wouldn't...

Expand full comment
RichF's avatar

I cannot tell a lie. You're right. Particularly if it was a cherry muffin.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😆 *moves muffins away from you.

I was trying to sound British crass

Expand full comment
Rich Feldman's avatar

You succeeded

Expand full comment
Sallyfemina's avatar

What about the other way around? Though I don't think muffins can wank. Unless they're maybe from an erotic bakery.

Expand full comment
Rich Feldman's avatar

Haven't you ever heard of a muffplug?

Expand full comment
Sallyfemina's avatar

I don't get out much and have been married for decades, so nope.

Expand full comment
Paul Riddell's avatar

The trick to being a lizard person isn’t not to blink. It’s in being able to lick your eyeballs clean.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆😆

Expand full comment
Mark Hayes's avatar

Centuarian Time, Pfffft!

I prefer Toby's scheme, he lives on Dachshundian Time. He believes that morning happens every time he wakes up — he can make 30 days in a 24 hour period.

No sweat.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

...I'm switching ti Dachshundian time starting tomorrow.

Expand full comment
Mark Hayes's avatar

Why wait? I have faith in you, you could TOTALLY get, like 10 days in before bedtime...

Expand full comment
Jan M. Flynn's avatar

Geezus. Remember when we thought it would be so cool to be rich so we could laze around on our (one) yacht and have people bring us stuff? What's the point of being a bazillionaire if you have to toil like a pack mule all the damn time? I'll take abject failure, thanks.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Right?! I'll take abject failure also.

Expand full comment
JCfromNC's avatar

Mr. Hustle up there sounds like he got his inspiration from the Time Cube guy. And if you don’t know that reference, look it up. You’ll thank me later. Or possibly curse my name. One of those things for sure.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Thank you for that. I'm laughing my arse off at the wiki for time cube guy: https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Time_Cube

Which includes a line in the opening paragraph, "It also had something to do with opposites. At least that's the impression we got, once our heads stopped spinning." and the title of section 1 is "crackpot overdose" 😆😆

Expand full comment
Kassandra Ignored 🤓's avatar

Great post!

Expand full comment
David Perlmutter's avatar

To paraphrase the title of an old song: these are the men who have blighted my life.

Expand full comment
Cheri Collins's avatar

😊💯❤️

Expand full comment
Rachel C's avatar

How many douches make a douche-canoe? If 4 bros make a douche, how many bros per canoe? Remember those problems from school? If you go west at 50 mph, how long will it take Joe to get home? 👹

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆😆

Expand full comment
Sarah's avatar

As someone who both owns a hammock and often has far too many irons in the fire... I don't know if I feel seen or called out 🤣

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆😆 Sorry/You're welcome.

Expand full comment
Valerie Starr's avatar

My work facility has at least one or two giant refrigerators filled with various types of energy drinks for purchase, sugar filled beverages in others and junk foods for purchase. Wheaties ain’t the breakfast of productivity champions in this place. My spirit animal is a sloth; my moto is, don’t hurry be happy.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Oooh you could come out with a liquified version of Wheaties, put it into an energy drink and make millions selling it to the bros, claiming it has "the best macros on earth".

Expand full comment
Maggie Jon's avatar

Fuck me. Sure, let's just work 24/7. There's no time like the burnout.

Expand full comment
Liza Blue's avatar

Fortunately I have found a way to multitask any blinking event.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆😆

Expand full comment