I’m going to have to make a list of all the names for the Orange One you have in this post! Just so I never have to utter his horrible name again.
Unfortunately, we have some of your Alberta MAGA snowbirds here in the California desert for the winter. I just love how they scurry here when it gets cold and spend all their time bitching about how liberal and tax-happy CA is. No one asked their stupid asses to be here.
Vanity Manatee!!! Priceless as are the other epithets. But beware, Kanucks: what #47 can't buy he tends to want to destroy. Or at least eff up somehow. Those of us down here who see Canada as an aspirational dream will do what we can to prevent that, but keep your maple syrup launchers tuned up.
I keep telling people that the US going to war with Canada suffers from the same fallacy as how the movie “Pacific Rim” is only plausible if you assume that Canada in that world simply doesn’t exist. Namely, get a couple of little old ladies from Drumheller, give them each an old gym sock with a rock in it, and the war is OVER.
Great post — have to re-listen as my 13 year old son was simultaneously tween-splaining the post to me while I was listening to the voice over. You got him quite riled up in Defence of Canada.
Option 4; Premier Agent Orange’s great nation joins us at the wonderful new province below; South Parklandia. Though I suspect that is as unlikely as premier Agent Orange appointing a group of crimesters to cabinet , being impeached a third time and fleeing to Russia to party with Assad. Maybe he will finally get a Trump Tower Moscow then.
In the meantime Americans are always welcome; and always will be to the tapestry that is Canada. As Robin Wilding reminds; hands off our Maple Syrup though; but here’s a Nanaimo Bar and a Beaver tail as a souvenir eh. Both delicious, and substitute as hockey pucks in the cold.
I was playing it on the Substack reader and he was providing simultaneous instant commentary to the AI reading out your writing. Bit of a max headroom experience.
You & Jason are my pre-coffee listens. Jojo and Jeff T are my post coffee listens most mornings.
Post coffee, if I check in on Substack it’s mainly for pictures of cute critters and calming landscapes.
I use the Substack AI reader so I can do chores at the same time. Then I go back and reread the funniest bits. That’s my morning coffee algo and I’m sticking to it. Doesen’t algo sound so much fancier than “recipe” or “routine” or “do this, then do that” :-)
Awww that's so awesome that Jason and I are your pre-coffee choices! Although...you can do things before coffee?!?!
The AI reader sounds like such a great way to take in content! I tried doing that while walking the dogs, but I found I preferred the peace. But during chores sounds PERFECT haha.
Post coffee … the world is my dark roast bean. I only need one coffee a day. I tried out other addictions. Coffee won. Tried to quit it once 30 years ago. Drove into a pole.
Also had an addiction to buying books and creating piles out of them till they toppled (criticality). Now I Substack instead.
I can certainly understand Canadians not wanting to live in the USA. Shoot, there is a tiny part of me that doesn’t want to live here either. Gonna stay, for a couple of reasons.
First, and last important, is because of I wanted to make a major move, I couldn’t to move across the street. So yeah, financial constraints are a real thing.
Second, deeply flawed as it, I love my country, and will continue to do everything I can to make it a place that actually fulfills the American Ideal. I may be deeply embarrassed by it right now, but flawed, weirdo political administration to come and all, it’s still mine.
I admire your love of country, and hopes for improvement. I'd certainly stay too. This post was just in jest, we could do worse than becoming Americans, but we do like our little weird Canadian version of it. Everyone should be proud of their country :)
I think we should leave Canada alone because Canadians don’t deserve to be subjected to Orange Fuckwit’s whims any more than a good chunk of America does, however we were betrayed by our own countrymen. We shouldn’t foist it on our neighbors to the north, even if misery does love company.
Oh my gosh - absolutely freaking love your nicknames…from your Sultan spray tan detesting American fan
I’m going to have to make a list of all the names for the Orange One you have in this post! Just so I never have to utter his horrible name again.
Unfortunately, we have some of your Alberta MAGA snowbirds here in the California desert for the winter. I just love how they scurry here when it gets cold and spend all their time bitching about how liberal and tax-happy CA is. No one asked their stupid asses to be here.
Don't worry about making a list...I have one. And there are a lot more on it!
Sorry about our Albertans 😆. Please don't send them back. (I'm kidding, if any Albertans are reading this--you're probably cool)
Ha ha!
Vanity Manatee!!! Priceless as are the other epithets. But beware, Kanucks: what #47 can't buy he tends to want to destroy. Or at least eff up somehow. Those of us down here who see Canada as an aspirational dream will do what we can to prevent that, but keep your maple syrup launchers tuned up.
Glad you liked that one Jan hehe.
We'll keep our maple-syrup launched tuned and loaded 😆😆. That's a great phrase, I might have to steal that.
I'd be honored.
agree
A very humorously well written but realistically depressing post……funny but scary as all bloody hell………
Sometimes humor has elements of truth that make it sad and scary.
keep canada, canada.
(did i do that punctuation correctly?)
Your slogan is perfect Dan 😆
" Hair Farce One" 😂🤣😂🤣!
There can’t be too many of us that read that and got BOTH references in the Sewards folly - electric boogaloo reference 🤣
Well I'm so glad you got it! I thought that one was a bit of a risk, but if one person laughed then its totally worth it. :)
I think the current 50 States would make better Canadian Provinces.
😆😆 Some of them maybe. But some of them wouldn't like our strict pew-pew laws.
Choose carefully. FL sink holes; CA sliding into the Pacific; and tons of craziness all over. Are you sure?
I keep telling people that the US going to war with Canada suffers from the same fallacy as how the movie “Pacific Rim” is only plausible if you assume that Canada in that world simply doesn’t exist. Namely, get a couple of little old ladies from Drumheller, give them each an old gym sock with a rock in it, and the war is OVER.
😆😆 Please, somebody give those Drumheller ladies a stockpile of old gym socks.
Why? They'll only need one.
Great post — have to re-listen as my 13 year old son was simultaneously tween-splaining the post to me while I was listening to the voice over. You got him quite riled up in Defence of Canada.
Option 4; Premier Agent Orange’s great nation joins us at the wonderful new province below; South Parklandia. Though I suspect that is as unlikely as premier Agent Orange appointing a group of crimesters to cabinet , being impeached a third time and fleeing to Russia to party with Assad. Maybe he will finally get a Trump Tower Moscow then.
In the meantime Americans are always welcome; and always will be to the tapestry that is Canada. As Robin Wilding reminds; hands off our Maple Syrup though; but here’s a Nanaimo Bar and a Beaver tail as a souvenir eh. Both delicious, and substitute as hockey pucks in the cold.
Your 13-year-old son was reading this?! That's amazing!!
Option 4--South Parklandia 😆😆. OMg I'm dying of laughter. I might have to turn that into a story haha.
They can have all the nanaimo bars, I'm with you on keeping the syrup.
I was playing it on the Substack reader and he was providing simultaneous instant commentary to the AI reading out your writing. Bit of a max headroom experience.
You & Jason are my pre-coffee listens. Jojo and Jeff T are my post coffee listens most mornings.
Post coffee, if I check in on Substack it’s mainly for pictures of cute critters and calming landscapes.
I use the Substack AI reader so I can do chores at the same time. Then I go back and reread the funniest bits. That’s my morning coffee algo and I’m sticking to it. Doesen’t algo sound so much fancier than “recipe” or “routine” or “do this, then do that” :-)
Awww that's so awesome that Jason and I are your pre-coffee choices! Although...you can do things before coffee?!?!
The AI reader sounds like such a great way to take in content! I tried doing that while walking the dogs, but I found I preferred the peace. But during chores sounds PERFECT haha.
Things I can do before coffee:
- dream of coffee
- think about making coffee
- make coffee
- be generally surly
- shake
Post coffee … the world is my dark roast bean. I only need one coffee a day. I tried out other addictions. Coffee won. Tried to quit it once 30 years ago. Drove into a pole.
Also had an addiction to buying books and creating piles out of them till they toppled (criticality). Now I Substack instead.
Forgive him, Lord, for he knows not what he says...
😆😆
I can certainly understand Canadians not wanting to live in the USA. Shoot, there is a tiny part of me that doesn’t want to live here either. Gonna stay, for a couple of reasons.
First, and last important, is because of I wanted to make a major move, I couldn’t to move across the street. So yeah, financial constraints are a real thing.
Second, deeply flawed as it, I love my country, and will continue to do everything I can to make it a place that actually fulfills the American Ideal. I may be deeply embarrassed by it right now, but flawed, weirdo political administration to come and all, it’s still mine.
I admire your love of country, and hopes for improvement. I'd certainly stay too. This post was just in jest, we could do worse than becoming Americans, but we do like our little weird Canadian version of it. Everyone should be proud of their country :)
We just had a vote. They can take Alberta, but we'd like to keep Calgary. They are nice.
😆😆 Fair. Calgary can stay. Although being landlocked might create some problems.
Good point. Maybe they rig up a gondola from their Olympic ski jump. It’s not getting much use these days anyway.
I think we should leave Canada alone because Canadians don’t deserve to be subjected to Orange Fuckwit’s whims any more than a good chunk of America does, however we were betrayed by our own countrymen. We shouldn’t foist it on our neighbors to the north, even if misery does love company.
Thanks Kay-El, we appreciate the putting others first for the greater good mentality. Are you sure you're not Canadian?
In spirit, my friend.
A good South if Border complement to Robin’s post, that showed up for my morning coffee right after her post.
https://open.substack.com/pub/democracydefender2025/p/moving-to-canada-to-escape-trump?r=7bwi2&utm_medium=ios
Can’t you all just make the US another province? Or maybe a handful of provinces, and a territory or two?
😆😆 I'll take it to the council and see what they say.