93 Comments
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Jennie O'Connor ❌👑's avatar

There is no antipodal warming. The moon is a projection, so all pics from space have been photoshopped. And when you get to the edge, what will you find? A jelly wall! So I hate to burst your pancake, Robin, but you cannot jump off it.

I wish I was joking about the above but in a temporary moment of insanity, I dated a flat earther. I’d say please don’t judge me, but you should 💯 judge me. 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Heidi L's avatar

I thought you couldn't get to the edge because an international cabal controlled and limited access? I like the jelly wall concept better.

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Jennie O'Connor ❌👑's avatar

That’s true! But his unique access to the truthful parts of the dark web revealed what they are really hiding… jelly.

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Gillie's avatar

Ooh! I wonder what flavor the jelly is?

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BexLou's avatar

I hope it's strawberry! 🍓

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Gillie's avatar

Yum yum!

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Robin Wilding's avatar

I love this comments section 😆😆

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Robin Wilding's avatar

You had me at jelly wall. Sold.

lol at you dating a flat-earther. But they could've been darling in many other ways. I've probably dated worse😆

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Jennie O'Connor ❌👑's avatar

They were not. But that’s nice of you to suggest.

I feel very supported by this comments section. I’ll be reaching out to each and every one of you the next time I need saving from myself.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

...whew! I was wondering what's keeping the oceans from spilling off...

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Cheri Collins's avatar

🤦‍♀️You poor girl! I'm glad it didn't work out!

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John Boyd's avatar

The written test for new drivers should include the following:

'The Earth is a globe. True or false'

Anyone answering the latter should never be allowed to drive a vehicle.

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Charles Bastille's avatar

With all due respect, you're quite wrong. If they answer incorrectly like you propose, then the driver will fall off the edge of the earth unawares when they reach it, because they think it's a globe. This does raise another question, though. What happens to the big car pile at the end of the earth for those who do fall off? There are also some questions regarding physics, but I'll leave that for the smarty pants out there to figure out.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆

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Heidi L's avatar

Thanks for the aha moment when you broke down the word "atmosphere".

Thanks also for not using the "If the world was flat, cats would already have pushed everything off the edge" joke.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

Because duh. I mean they're cats...

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆...if I'd thought of that, I would've, that's great

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Paul Riddell's avatar

You’re all wrong. The Earth, and the rest of the universe, is the interior/exterior of a truly gigantic Klein bottle. (Oh, you think flat-headers’ brains explode when you ask them for further details? Drop “Klein bottle” into the discussion and watch them shit themselves in eight separate dimensions.)

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆 Thanks for sharing that, that was some fun reading.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

Is that a CALVIN Klein bottle?

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Paul Riddell's avatar

No: it’s a Hobbesian bottle.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

Where's Calvin? More importantly where's Bill the Cat?!?!

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Robot Bender's avatar

Ack.

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Cheri Collins's avatar

😂🤣😂

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Robot Bender's avatar

Or a Möebius strip. 😆

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Paul Riddell's avatar

Klein bottles are essentially 3-dimensional Moebius strips.

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Charles Bastille's avatar

"There’s one theory that says birds aren’t real. They’ve all been replaced by the government with drones."

Omg, that's a fantastic theory! I love that. This makes me wonder if there isn't a serious inequity in the conspiracy world. Shouldn't the ones that go viral provide the originator royalties? Or at least, shouldn't they get credit for their ideas?

Which reminds me that I've never met a flat earther. I don't get out much, though. Most people I know think the world is made of poop.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆 Interesting thought about the inequalities in the conspiraworld.

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Meg Sampson's avatar

The "kids" that started the "Birds Aren't Real" satire (parody?) gave speeches about their theory, and when it began to wind down, I think I remember them giving a speech about gullibility. They were paid handsomely for their efforts.

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Charles Bastille's avatar

So you're saying they made it up to make a point? That makes a lot of sense.

This makes me want to start a conspiracy AI GPT machine.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

You talk like GPT isn't already a conspiracy machine.

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Lee Neville's avatar

Cool.

I'm jiggy with that - but imagine the task enthusiasm of the government employee team tasked with regularly refilling the millions of robot-bird replacements with synthetic robot-bird shit.........

Imagine Lucy and Ethel on that assembly line!

Nothing wrong with a Flat Earther that a smart tap on their skull with a framing hammer won't correct.

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Mcdude's avatar

So where do clouds go?

How does the sun work?

So is this flat thing paper thin or thick as a brick?

Do both sides have gravity?

So if you dig a hole through the earth do you up on the other flat side?

This is ponding my head flat.

Flatly this is flooring me.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

If you dig a hole, yes, you end up on the flatside. But you're upside down so it's all a bit disorienting.

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Gillie's avatar

If the earth is flat, do dinosaurs live on the other side and that why we keep digging up their bones?

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆

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Mark Hayes's avatar

Now you're just being difficult.

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Robot Bender's avatar

The believers sure are "thick as a brick." 😉

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Sallyfemina's avatar

Great Jethro Tull album! Bad IRL.

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Brooke Craig's avatar

While I’ve never actually encountered a flat-earther, I find it disturbingly easy to believe some of my fellow Americans believe insanely stupid stuff (I mean, how can we not believe that right now?). With so many Americans virulently opposed to travel, actual science and, you know, reading, is it any wonder?

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Kathy Minicozzi's avatar

If the world is flat, why hasn't all the water in all the oceans fallen off the edges in huge waterfalls, leaving the earth with only a little bit of groundwater here and there?

If that question doesn't stump those idiots, nothing will.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

That was solved above: Jelly Wall.

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GrannyBLB's avatar

I live in a 55+ complex and there’s one adorable flat earther, Elvis is aliver, AND she voted for TACO. Enough said.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

The overlap between conspiracy theorists and TACO voters would be an interesting experiment to do.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

None of that actually mad any sense...

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GrannyBLB's avatar

Well Mark, it was subtle

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David Perlmutter's avatar

"It says 'ere, mate, that Oz don't really exist 'cause t'Earth is flat!" "Crikey- them Americans sure is stupid, ain't they?'

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆

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David Regehr 🇨🇦's avatar

I had a friend who fell into the abyss of conspiracy theories, including a flat Earth. I forgave him though, he only had a grade 6 education.

Thanks Robin, brilliantly funny!

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Robin Wilding's avatar

I mean...sounds like it could be a very entertaining friend though, with lots of fun convos.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

I'm so glad that you have the Turtle in the photo of Flat Earth up top (a photo! See there's proof!). A Flat Earth without a World Turtle would make me sad.

It's obvious that what the astronauts saw was a top view of the flat earth disco.

Australia is pretty damned great. I have petted (or is "pet" its own past tense?) both a Kangaroo and a Wombat and life is good.

#BirdsArentReal

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Sallyfemina's avatar

It's turtles all the way down, unless it's Great A'tuin.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

Damn straight!

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Jan M. Flynn's avatar

"Where do they think the oxygen comes from, the atmosflat?" Another coffee-snorter brought to me by Robin Wilding. For more conspiracy delight, our own 'Murican Fearless Leader is telling us that Joe Biden was "executed" in 2020 and current versions of him are all either AI images or robots: https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-shares-unfounded-conspiracy-theory-claiming-biden-was-executed-2-rcna210244

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Robin Wilding's avatar

I mean...there's no words for that. Just one giant, global face palm.

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Mark Hayes's avatar

You mean the Biden Android Terminator Bot?

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Robot Bender's avatar

Well, if Biden is a Terminator, he'd best get busy. 😉

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Mark Hayes's avatar

We're all tapping our feet...

...waiting...

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Tap tap.

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D. Denise Dianaty's avatar

I've not met a flat-earther that I recall. Are there also still folks who think the earth is the center of the universe and everything in the sky rotates around earth?

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Based on how many people aren't sure if the earth is round....sigh...probably.

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Jan G's avatar

🌎🌍🌏 I flew all the way around it once. As far as I can tell, I came back to the same place. Or maybe I ended up in another dimension?? Hmm, that would explain some things . . .

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Ah yes, you ended up in the interdimensional transporter, pfft rookie mistake.

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Jan G's avatar

Will things be normal again if I go back around the other way??

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Rich Feldman's avatar

I think flat earthers found their footing at The Waffle House.

Also, is it possible that conspiracy theorists are part of a conspiracy theory conspiracy? Christopher Nolan could have a field day with that one.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Why does your Waffle House hypothesis make so much sense 😆

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Rich Feldman's avatar

Theoretically, the House of Pancakes is more likely, given that a pancake resembles a flat earth. But HOP is no WH when it comes to the conversations that go on there. And guess you could say the divots in a waffle are where the loony ideas fester.

Now that you've got me thinking more about the Waffle House, I think I'm going to write a piece on it. So thanks :)

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Jun 4
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Sallyfemina's avatar

Can't afford to pay you, but have subscribed.

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Rich Feldman's avatar

Much appreciated!

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Rich Feldman's avatar

Thanks for the inspiration. Here's at least one answer to your question ...

https://todaysmuse.substack.com/p/muse-21-waffle-house-911

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