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Peter William Murphy's avatar

I hope he steps on Lego, too!

In Turkey, we look both ways twice before crossing a one-way street on a crosswalk that says WALK in green.

There are no rules, only hope.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

That last line killed me 😆

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Jan M. Flynn's avatar

I've been to Istanbul, where crossing a street is a near-death experience. But kinda exhilarating.

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Peter William Murphy's avatar

Istanbul is nuts. Beautiful but I only go there when I have to

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Dan Levine's avatar

once again you have reminded me my favorite job would be working the helicopter electromagnet unit for the highway patrol.

a satisfactory ride down those ribbons of highway, giant electromagnet hanging down from the huey ... finger on the activation switch ... ready to lift the next impolite motherfucker off the highway & dump them in the roadside piles of previous impolite motherfuckers.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

That....sounds...amazing.

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Linda Blatnik's avatar

Love that idea 🖤

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Kay-El's avatar

If I had a dime for every time I faced this I could have retired at 35. I had a long commute for most of my working days and not a day went by without some fuckwad thinking his/her (mostly his) shit didn’t stink.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

You deserve a medal for sure.

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The Mouthy Renegade Writer's avatar

This was awesome, Sis! I just did a podcast on this topic a couple of days ago. Those bastards think it's real-life Mario Kart around here! &:^)

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Great minds ;)

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Baker Beth's avatar

"I hope you step on a lego" - you are just out of control with your anger. HAHA

Totally feel your pain - our city has grown exponentially because of national newspaper and magazine articles touting us as a great place to live and one of the nicest cities in the U.S. Not anymore, thanks so much. Traffic just sucks and mostly it's people from other places bringing their insane road rage with them.

In one 15 minute trip yesterday, I experienced six different drivers laid on their horns at different times because someone wasn't moving fast enough (gratefully no one was beeping at me). One woman actually gave a good 10 second beep because she was supposed to yield and someone dared to be in the lane. And the fast lane slow drivers - it's a good thing my husband can't have rockets on his car. It's true insanity.

My first thought after reading your initial few points was that I always assumed Canadians were nice, polite drivers. I am a bit broken up right now. Thanks for that. 🙄

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Yes yes, my Canadian anger really crescendo'd that day haha.

Ugh, your traffic sounds awful too but those horns would do my head in. Here, we rarely use the horn, it's quite aggressive for Canadians.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

Have you ever driven in Los Angeles?

That guy was such an asshat I'm surprised he wasn't in a cyburtwuck.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

I haven't, and based on that comment I don't think I want to 😆

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Sallyfemina's avatar

TBF, my friends from Boston (and before that, the outskirts of NYC) commented on how kind and polite the drivers in LA were and couldn't figure out why us California residents (who all live with our own freeways) kept bursting into laughter. So we made the Boston gal drive. I would not drive in Boston.

I remember standing at a crosswalk in downtown Atlanta in the late 80s. Me and a native Angeleno wondered aloud why it was taking forever, till I said "Oh, if we were home, they would have yielded to pedestrians by now!" He mumbled "Yeah, this is bullshit, Southern hicks."

I have a friend who lives in Ottawa and is fluent in both kinds of French -- she has one of the original Quebec settler names. SHE won't drive in Montreal.

I certainly wouldn't. It's all cold and icy and they'll be assholes in Quebec French, which is even worse rudeness than regular French!

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Kathy Minicozzi's avatar

Wow! I never saw anyone who could come up with so many names for one asshole! :D

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Rain Robinson's avatar

She is the best for vocabulary enlightenment.

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Concerned Citizen's avatar

Yep! Can totally relate to our northern neighbor’s traffic woes. Southern California traffic has maximum speed limits, which are ignored in excess of 10-20 miles faster. There are the rubber necking lookyloos who have to see how bad a simple fender bender or much worse car accident is. You can go with the speed of traffic at 80 mph just to have a “I’m More Important Than You “ jerk speeding around and getting in front of you by the narrowest of space at 95 mph. These angry drivers need a hell of a lot of Legos to torture them.

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Kristi Keller 🇨🇦's avatar

Meh...this is how they teach drivers ed in Jamaica. Driving there for 8 years prepares you for literally everything a life could throw your way 🤣

I now live on the other side of the road from the city limits - there's nothing but forest across the street. The only traffic we deal with is a family of 4 deer 🦌 and a bunch of bunnies.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

*Scratches driving in Jamaica off my list 😆😆

Your area sounds idyllic, I'll move in Thursday.

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Good Humor by CK Steefel's avatar

Yes! I love your hilarious names for these nuts who literally drive you crazy. In Massachusetts they’re called Massholes. Miami drivers take the cake and the frosting for the worst in the US. Castro colliders? You inspired me. Hehe.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Massholes is fantastic 😆 But Castro Colliders is muah--chef's kiss!

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John Boyd's avatar

Ruralish Quebec (30 clicks north of Montreal) here; home of the worst drivers I have encountered in my 50+ years, 7 provinces & territories and 3 states experience.

The cause? Few, if any at all traffic signals, mostly just 'arret' signs that people stop paying attention to, as per the directions on the sign.

Additionally, tailgating is officially the second most popular sport in La Belle Province, barely losing out to hockey.

Pro-tip: buy a dashcam if your vehicle doesn't come with a camera, and always turn it on.

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Robin Wilding's avatar

You could've just said 'Quebec' 😆. And you didnt' even mention the state of the roads they're doing it on.

'barely losing out to hockey' 😆😆

For the pro-tip--Mike just got me dash cam!

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Kim Vale's avatar

People here don’t know what merge or yield mean, do they?

Worst driving I ever saw was someone driving backwards up the Decarie expressway because there was a traffic jam… so the person backed up to the previous exit to get off. I’d been living here about a year. Couldn’t believe my eyes!

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John Boyd's avatar

I've given up expecting others to yield at stop signs, I just wave them through regardless of who was at the intersection first.

Is there a Quebeqouis word for 'merge'? It sure isn't a concept anyone seems to understand...

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Kim Vale's avatar

There isn’t a good one. Fusioner doesn’t fit on the signs.

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Paul Riddell's avatar

Well, it’s nice to know that your city and Austin, Texas have so much in common. Austin driving is so foul and so entitled that one of the best things about my shutting down my carnivorous plant gallery two years ago is that I now no longer have to drive to or through Austin ever again. (The danger here is that crappy Austin driving habits are starting to spread. My “favorite” is The Clot, where one twit drives maybe half the speed limit in the onramp lane…but hits Warp Four trying to keep anyone from getting in front. Enough people give up and get behind, mostly so they can focus on the more important task of texting and watching videos, to where you now have a 20-car funeral procession going down the highway. Not only does The Clot prevent anyone from getting on or off the highway as it saunters by, but the real joy is with testosterone cases who rush in front of it, nearly overshoot their chosen offramp, and then COME TO A COMPLETE STOP to prepare for getting in the exit lane. The real geniuses overshoot and then try to go in reverse.)

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Robin Wilding's avatar

This comment just kept delivering and delivering 😆. Carnivorous plant gallery 😆😆

The Clot sounds WILD. I'll have to avoid it when I go to Austin one day. It has a phenomenal standup comedy scene I want to check out.

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Paul Riddell's avatar

Honest to Elvis: http://www.texastriffidranch.com It ran for 7 years, I sold carnivorous plants at shows and events for seven years before that, and now I never want to hear another “Little Shop of Horrors” reference for as long as I live.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

Hey, a friend of mine bought from you once!

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Paul Riddell's avatar

Very cool! Thank you.

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Clark's avatar

Great story! Drove the 401, 2.5 hours return for almost 25 years and the stories! Yes, daily insanity. One day driving by Rattlesnake Point (escarpment, ski hill, lake) in the spring an osprey flying across the highway dropped a water snake it was carrying and it the roof of a car. My only thought was “if that had of been an open convertible …”

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Robin Wilding's avatar

Ugh, I know the 401 very well. 25 years?! Do you get some sort of medal?

I love Rattlesnake Point! I've hiked there many a time. But if that was a convertible I would've shit myself and then probably crashed, that's terrifying

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Kim Vale's avatar

I know exactly where you mean! I might have shit myself.

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Clark's avatar

Yes, the medal was retirement! And other stories!

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Heidi L's avatar

You have far more restraint than I but, then again, I grew up driving in Boston...

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Robin Wilding's avatar

*Checks Boston off the list.

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Sallyfemina's avatar

I will not drive in Boston. I was there when hubs was interviewing for a job and I did not drive there. Luckily they offered less money, higher cost of living, worse weather, and worse traffic. It wasn't hard to turn down. But we got a free trip to the east coast out of it.

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Jerry Wayne Pollard's avatar

Ah, Ladies and Lords of the Left Lane!

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Robin Wilding's avatar

😆😆

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Cheri Collins's avatar

Drivers in Connecticut are exactly as you describe, especially on the freeways. I've been known to go 20 minutes out of my way to go to work avoiding freeways. Here's hoping (un)natural selection will teach them FAFO!

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Robin Wilding's avatar

20 minutes sounds like a reasonable sacrifice to avoid them.

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