*Ahem…
Punctuation is the name of the fancy-writing game
without which, a writer’s words would be oh-so-plain
These superfluous, interpretous, preposterous marks
are stylish but factual, tactical, contractual sparks
The parenthesis walls off a thought in space
a lil addendum to leave a thought with no trace
you give your reader confidential info or clarification
but don’t use it too much if you dream of canonization
overall it’s a handy little grammatical bag o’ tricks
but truth be told — the parenthesis is for telling secrets
The semicolon can be used in a serial list
it gives your writing a fancy-pantsed assist
it also separates two connected sentences in space
but it’s more commonly used to make a winky face ;)
Apostrophe’s use can be a little obsessive
it’s not their fault that they’re so possessive
they’re also helpful for contractions
or to omit letters with an extraction
but they have a purpose n’ aren’t just chutzpah
they change the meaning ‘Let’s eat(,) grandma!’
Exclamation points should be used sparingly
otherwise, I’ll stare at you glaringly
and point out you’re acting erringly
with my nostrils outstretched flaringly
The Em Dash is — the duct tape of grammar
and it’s used to drop the proverbial hammer
The em dash is — and I’ll fight you on it — the best
because it gives your dear reader a rest with a zest
The em dash is the ultimate component
it truly is — your little mic-drop moment
Ellipses are a tool to omit words from a blah-blah-blah quote
but you can use it to show how your mind went afloat…
ellipses is the artist formerly known as dot dot dot
and you can use it as cover for your incomplete thought
The ole Oxford comma is the most contentious of all
drop it in a writers’ chat and you’ll have a freefrawl
it’s called the serial comma, used for lists — or just a stylin’ do
But mainly we use it because Grammarly tells us to
The period ends a sentence, but also this piece
you use it when you want a sentence to cease
even though your punctuation should be a myriad
practice safe text, use commas — and never miss a period.
I hope you liked this poem I did just drop,
And now I’m done, finito — full stop.
Do you want to support me but those $5+ per month subscriptions add up? Fair.
I’d absolutely love your support at any level that’s comfortable for you…
$1 per month (would picking the lowest option make you cheap? Nope, I’d love you)
$2 per month (equal love here)
$3 per month (ditto)
$4 per month (you rebel)
$5 per month (full price because I’d be dumb not to include it)
Don’t have any money? Don’t worry, me neither, and I still love you.
My 12th grade English teacher would have a raging erection during and after reading this
That was awesome! 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼. I want to use an exclamation point after that, but now I’m afraid.