I Easily Solved the 100 Men vs 1 Gorilla Debate

Men were overthinking it, but I’ve got the definitive answer.

Image by freepik

I’m late to the 100 men vs 1 silverback gorilla debate. But I’m always late to trends, what can I say, I have shit to do and life gets lifey sometimes. I was however following the debate because the stunning over confidence of average men is entertaining. I’m an average woman, but have the confidence of a mouse on meth.

Men however, can have a level of confidence as unparalleled as it is unfounded.

Like the guy we all know, who’s a 43-year-old, five-foot eight, 250-lb asthmatic who still thinks if he hit the gym he’d have a chance in the NBA. Or olympics. Or can outrun a cheetah, outswim a shark and then beat up a silverback gorilla, in the world’s deadliest thriatholon of stupidity.

But, alas — men of the internet think 100 of them could take a gorilla. Some of them think they could take them out single-handedly, despite the gorilla being nature’s Abrams tank and they’re a human speedbump.

Despite being vegetarians, silverback gorillas can weigh up to 500lbs. They can lift up to 4,000 lbs and their strength is 10x their body weight. They’re about as strong as 20 men combined.

But could 100 men take one of them?

Maybe, but 100 men couldn’t fight a gorilla all at once.

Also, much like me when I have a bad day — they bite. Their jaw power is stronger than a hyena and they can bite through a coconut like its butter. Their jaw’s 1,300 PSI could bite through our bones. Not that they’d need to, since their punch can also pulverize human bone.

Fun Fact (aka I had no where else to put this): Gorilla noses are like little snowflakes. The wrinkles in them are as distinctive as human fingerprints.

Personally, I’m putting my money on the gorilla in a battle against 100 average dudes, with no weapons.

But here’s where I solved it…

Pfft, I Solved It

My answer — men wouldn’t need to fight the gorilla.

Women will do it.

And it wouldn’t take 100 of us. Just one woman.

It just takes one woman, who tells her husband to stop being a fool and trying to fight a gorilla because he’s already on meds for high blood pressure and his sciatica will flare up and he’s supposed to fix the deck this weekend.

Then the woman handles the silverback.

Have you seen what women do with pitbulls?

Pfft, by the end of the day, that silverback Gorilla will be wearing a cute onesie, sign languaging all its needs and desires to her, while she paints its toenails with a cute blush pink.

And within an hour it’ll be named Linda (whether it's male or female), because the name men gave it, Krull The Warrior King, or whatever, was too mean for an animal now wearing a light-up tutu.

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