That’s the problem, my fellow Americans. One has to have a country let you in before you can leave to permanently relocate. And not every country accepts Americans for immigration. Surprise! All that arrogance money-in-their-faces, gun-totin’ yahoos drivin thuh pick’emup truk generalized ignorant behaviors have not endeared us to immigration officers with zero senses of humor anyway. So, we’re stuck here.
Therefore, Forget voting for the #OrangeBlowfish #WeirdAndOldDonald. We have a team over here on the blue side of the aisle, who offer us hope for America—and That, boys and girls, is a worthwhile boon.
Can’t wait to see all of those wanna-be immigrants wearing Canadian Tuxedos, trying their hand at seducing a moose. I’m all for a few new American friends and I’ll even help you saddle your polar bear for the first time, so help me Nickelback
Really, Canadians, 7 million more Americans did NOT vote for #WeirdOldFascistDonald. Not ALL of us typify The Ugly American.
Some of us already have experienced your country’s hospitality, albeit true that it was not up to the level of friendliness manifested by the Australians,’ some were welcoming. Just saying.
Thank you for your support of Ukrainians, who have had to start entirely from scratch to build new lives in Canada —so far from home and hearth and all that means. God blesses the compassionate!
Keep in mind this was satire. We love Americans (well, most of you haha). We did bring in a lot of Ukranians, and also Syrians before that, and other refugees regularly.
Re Australian friendlies? This is possibly merely historic, circa 1991 but—Australians have a-name for anyone, everyone. Americans are “Septics.”
I got used to it, “Are you a Septic?” before learning its origins. Yank rhymes with tank, a septic tank, is full of sh#t!
Australians have names for everyone, and if you are not a descendent of Irish, or of a sailing-ship’s convict cargo, you cannot join. Accents set one apart for derision. Visible minorities, I wince, can hardly imagine the pain.
Australians, including children of POMS in Australia, call English people Pom, a disparaging term that means 2nd class citizen for having a UK accent, unless it’s Northern Ireland. Yanks are Septics.
A certain type of friendliness. Tolerant of people from anywhere only if they find disparaging self-degradation funny. Welcome ya bastard. Friendly.
Kindness in the way people at J6 helped the Black officer, who donned a discarded MAGA hat, to make his way to the front to rescue his coworker being crushed by crowds intent on murder and chaos. Kind in a performance-enhancing drug way, “Ask politely, hope for the best, expect the worst,” way.
I’m waiting for the number of applicants who assume they can get in as legacies for distant Canadian ancestors, and who will claim they’re 1-64th because their great-grandfather married a Canadian Princess. (Me, I plan to take my half-Canadian ancestry and use it to revive the CBC. Namely, by returning “Doctor Who” to Canada and giving it back its original name, “The Red Green Show.”)
Thanks for the laugh. I will subscribe when I get my pension check next month. I'm retired with none of the needed skills so I'm just going to work my arse off defeating the orange blowfish 🐡.
American Gen Z here! 👋🏻 Canadians will reconsider who’s trotting to which side when we have our first woman in office and an amazing VP in November 🤍 Trump posts are obsolete now.
Why thank you. Such a great compliment. 😂 😂 as displaced Canuck living in the US I find your readings refreshing. The biggest thing I had to adjust was slowing my rate of speech and use simpler words 😂
Australasians (Australia and NZ) might take you in but only if you bring in your own house and land with all the public infrastructure you might need…no, guns aren’t required.
Baaaaaaaaahahahaa. This made me laugh for 83 different reasons, the main one being: My now ex-husband is a black American man living in FL. In 2016, the morning Trump was first elected, he messaged me and asked if we could hold off on our divorce until he immigrated here to be with his wife (me 🤣)
He and I are on amazing friendship terms and this has been our running joke for many years...since 2016 to be precise.
PS: Your writing is the wittiest stuff I've ever read. I don't know how you come up with some of the phrases and words. You're brilliant!
I love that you guys are still friends--and can joke about it all! I bet when you two got married he assumed the immigration would be working in the reverse haha.
LOLLLL I enjoyed this so much, Robin! XD Your Canadian posts are rad! (Your other posts are too. But I feel these ones more because I'm a Canadian as well, haha.) LMAO our disappointment that the celebrities who promised to move to Canada didn't come. :( Maybe we'll be luckier this time with them. LOL yes, Ryan Reynolds can come back to us, too.
That’s the problem, my fellow Americans. One has to have a country let you in before you can leave to permanently relocate. And not every country accepts Americans for immigration. Surprise! All that arrogance money-in-their-faces, gun-totin’ yahoos drivin thuh pick’emup truk generalized ignorant behaviors have not endeared us to immigration officers with zero senses of humor anyway. So, we’re stuck here.
Therefore, Forget voting for the #OrangeBlowfish #WeirdAndOldDonald. We have a team over here on the blue side of the aisle, who offer us hope for America—and That, boys and girls, is a worthwhile boon.
Can’t wait to see all of those wanna-be immigrants wearing Canadian Tuxedos, trying their hand at seducing a moose. I’m all for a few new American friends and I’ll even help you saddle your polar bear for the first time, so help me Nickelback
😂 😂 😂 You're a mighty fine Canadian to help them saddle their p-bear.
I believe Pierre Berton said that a Canadian is someone who knows how to make love with a moose in a canoe? Do I have that right?
That’s playing Canadian on expert mode.
😭😭😭🇨🇦
"It’s almost like we’re a real country. Even if we do use Monopoly money." When we use cash at all now...
You make a good point there David, Apple Pay is pretty much all I use these days.
I still use it for some IRL payments- I can't completely give up on it.
Really, Canadians, 7 million more Americans did NOT vote for #WeirdOldFascistDonald. Not ALL of us typify The Ugly American.
Some of us already have experienced your country’s hospitality, albeit true that it was not up to the level of friendliness manifested by the Australians,’ some were welcoming. Just saying.
Thank you for your support of Ukrainians, who have had to start entirely from scratch to build new lives in Canada —so far from home and hearth and all that means. God blesses the compassionate!
Keep in mind this was satire. We love Americans (well, most of you haha). We did bring in a lot of Ukranians, and also Syrians before that, and other refugees regularly.
Re Australian friendlies? This is possibly merely historic, circa 1991 but—Australians have a-name for anyone, everyone. Americans are “Septics.”
I got used to it, “Are you a Septic?” before learning its origins. Yank rhymes with tank, a septic tank, is full of sh#t!
Australians have names for everyone, and if you are not a descendent of Irish, or of a sailing-ship’s convict cargo, you cannot join. Accents set one apart for derision. Visible minorities, I wince, can hardly imagine the pain.
Australians, including children of POMS in Australia, call English people Pom, a disparaging term that means 2nd class citizen for having a UK accent, unless it’s Northern Ireland. Yanks are Septics.
A certain type of friendliness. Tolerant of people from anywhere only if they find disparaging self-degradation funny. Welcome ya bastard. Friendly.
Kindness in the way people at J6 helped the Black officer, who donned a discarded MAGA hat, to make his way to the front to rescue his coworker being crushed by crowds intent on murder and chaos. Kind in a performance-enhancing drug way, “Ask politely, hope for the best, expect the worst,” way.
So help you Nickelback 😂 Thanks for the giggle!
Glad you like it hehe
Im Australian, and even I know that oath is totally fake. For example, no mention of Canada Gooses.
PS We're full as well (even the empty bits).
'even the empty bits' 😂 And they're called "cobra chickens"
Now now now even Alice springs filled up?? Come on. It was chilly there though. 😹
"PS We're full as well (even the empty bits)" <<<< I just died 🤣🤣
The one band that all American immigrants SHOULD swear to protect and obey: https://youtu.be/O0E4kweWyhs?si=6gfZKHBuYG04U0BT
😂
I’m waiting for the number of applicants who assume they can get in as legacies for distant Canadian ancestors, and who will claim they’re 1-64th because their great-grandfather married a Canadian Princess. (Me, I plan to take my half-Canadian ancestry and use it to revive the CBC. Namely, by returning “Doctor Who” to Canada and giving it back its original name, “The Red Green Show.”)
Is a Canadian Princess the daughter of Romana Didulo?
Doctor Who Red Green, that had me cackling 😂
That’s as funny as a Christmas cracker 😂
Just putting it out there: https://texastriffidranch.com/2011/05/16/if-the-sontarans-dont-find-you-handsome-at-least-they-should-find-you-handy/
This is the weirdest comparison and I'm here for it 😆 The TARDIS/van comparison is gold lol
And I haven’t even started with the “Irate Ian” movies: https://open.substack.com/pub/stremedius/p/st-remedius-medical-college-fissures?r=3x4p35&utm_medium=ios
Believe it or not, I started with The Master/Ranger Gord and worked backwards.
Oh, and: https://texastriffidranch.com/2023/01/04/enclosures-if-the-sontarans-dont-find-you-handsome-they-should-at-least-find-you-handy-2022/
Thanks for the laugh. I will subscribe when I get my pension check next month. I'm retired with none of the needed skills so I'm just going to work my arse off defeating the orange blowfish 🐡.
I'm so glad I got you a gigle Michael! Your support means the world to me :)
'orange blowfish' 😂
American Gen Z here! 👋🏻 Canadians will reconsider who’s trotting to which side when we have our first woman in office and an amazing VP in November 🤍 Trump posts are obsolete now.
In fairness, this post was just a joke hehe. We love Americans (most of y'all). But go Kamala go!
So you got the sorrreeeeyyy in there 🤣 I think a good game of chicken shit should be added to the Hunger games 😂
I like your thinking Karen 😂
Why thank you. Such a great compliment. 😂 😂 as displaced Canuck living in the US I find your readings refreshing. The biggest thing I had to adjust was slowing my rate of speech and use simpler words 😂
Australasians (Australia and NZ) might take you in but only if you bring in your own house and land with all the public infrastructure you might need…no, guns aren’t required.
Well that sounds easy enough then 😂
I'm too loyal to my own country, anyway. I wouldn't mind *visiting* Canada, though.
Yup you don’t have to be worried about getting shot at the grocer or a
Movie or a concert
Up here either. 🌊🇨🇦💙
I've never even thought about being shot up here lol
It's a beautiful place to visit :)
Baaaaaaaaahahahaa. This made me laugh for 83 different reasons, the main one being: My now ex-husband is a black American man living in FL. In 2016, the morning Trump was first elected, he messaged me and asked if we could hold off on our divorce until he immigrated here to be with his wife (me 🤣)
He and I are on amazing friendship terms and this has been our running joke for many years...since 2016 to be precise.
PS: Your writing is the wittiest stuff I've ever read. I don't know how you come up with some of the phrases and words. You're brilliant!
I love that you guys are still friends--and can joke about it all! I bet when you two got married he assumed the immigration would be working in the reverse haha.
And thank you soo much Kristi!!!!
Lol it was supposed to be the reverse but we never made it that far 😁😁 Better as friends!
That's sweet. Although there might be easier ways to make friends 😆
LOLLLL I enjoyed this so much, Robin! XD Your Canadian posts are rad! (Your other posts are too. But I feel these ones more because I'm a Canadian as well, haha.) LMAO our disappointment that the celebrities who promised to move to Canada didn't come. :( Maybe we'll be luckier this time with them. LOL yes, Ryan Reynolds can come back to us, too.
Thanks Sieran! I think we'd all welcome back Ryan with open arms 😂
We'd all be Deadpool Happy to have him back! 😍
Well-written. Made me smile.
Thanks Denise! :)
Excellent!
"We didn’t think through the decision to add copper roofs to our parliament buildings, which turns green over time."
It's called a "patina".
You're welcome. 😄
Ooh I have a new word, nice. It's still weird looking though and I stand by what I said haha