79 Comments
User's avatar
LadyHistorian's avatar

That’s the problem, my fellow Americans. One has to have a country let you in before you can leave to permanently relocate. And not every country accepts Americans for immigration. Surprise! All that arrogance money-in-their-faces, gun-totin’ yahoos drivin thuh pick’emup truk generalized ignorant behaviors have not endeared us to immigration officers with zero senses of humor anyway. So, we’re stuck here.

Therefore, Forget voting for the #OrangeBlowfish #WeirdAndOldDonald. We have a team over here on the blue side of the aisle, who offer us hope for America—and That, boys and girls, is a worthwhile boon.

Expand full comment
Tim Ebl 🇨🇦's avatar

Can’t wait to see all of those wanna-be immigrants wearing Canadian Tuxedos, trying their hand at seducing a moose. I’m all for a few new American friends and I’ll even help you saddle your polar bear for the first time, so help me Nickelback

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😂 😂 😂 You're a mighty fine Canadian to help them saddle their p-bear.

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Aug 19
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

That’s playing Canadian on expert mode.

Expand full comment
DeeDee's avatar

😭😭😭🇨🇦

Expand full comment
David Perlmutter's avatar

"It’s almost like we’re a real country. Even if we do use Monopoly money." When we use cash at all now...

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

You make a good point there David, Apple Pay is pretty much all I use these days.

Expand full comment
David Perlmutter's avatar

I still use it for some IRL payments- I can't completely give up on it.

Expand full comment
LadyHistorian's avatar

Really, Canadians, 7 million more Americans did NOT vote for #WeirdOldFascistDonald. Not ALL of us typify The Ugly American.

Some of us already have experienced your country’s hospitality, albeit true that it was not up to the level of friendliness manifested by the Australians,’ some were welcoming. Just saying.

Thank you for your support of Ukrainians, who have had to start entirely from scratch to build new lives in Canada —so far from home and hearth and all that means. God blesses the compassionate!

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Keep in mind this was satire. We love Americans (well, most of you haha). We did bring in a lot of Ukranians, and also Syrians before that, and other refugees regularly.

Expand full comment
VJ Grimes's avatar

Re Australian friendlies? This is possibly merely historic, circa 1991 but—Australians have a-name for anyone, everyone. Americans are “Septics.”

I got used to it, “Are you a Septic?” before learning its origins. Yank rhymes with tank, a septic tank, is full of sh#t!

Australians have names for everyone, and if you are not a descendent of Irish, or of a sailing-ship’s convict cargo, you cannot join. Accents set one apart for derision. Visible minorities, I wince, can hardly imagine the pain.

Australians, including children of POMS in Australia, call English people Pom, a disparaging term that means 2nd class citizen for having a UK accent, unless it’s Northern Ireland. Yanks are Septics.

A certain type of friendliness. Tolerant of people from anywhere only if they find disparaging self-degradation funny. Welcome ya bastard. Friendly.

Kindness in the way people at J6 helped the Black officer, who donned a discarded MAGA hat, to make his way to the front to rescue his coworker being crushed by crowds intent on murder and chaos. Kind in a performance-enhancing drug way, “Ask politely, hope for the best, expect the worst,” way.

Expand full comment
Maggie Jon's avatar

So help you Nickelback 😂 Thanks for the giggle!

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Glad you like it hehe

Expand full comment
martin.english@gmail.com's avatar

Im Australian, and even I know that oath is totally fake. For example, no mention of Canada Gooses.

PS We're full as well (even the empty bits).

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

'even the empty bits' 😂 And they're called "cobra chickens"

Expand full comment
DeeDee's avatar

Now now now even Alice springs filled up?? Come on. It was chilly there though. 😹

Expand full comment
Kristi Keller 🇨🇦's avatar

"PS We're full as well (even the empty bits)" <<<< I just died 🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Paul Riddell's avatar

The one band that all American immigrants SHOULD swear to protect and obey: https://youtu.be/O0E4kweWyhs?si=6gfZKHBuYG04U0BT

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

😂

Expand full comment
Paul Riddell's avatar

I’m waiting for the number of applicants who assume they can get in as legacies for distant Canadian ancestors, and who will claim they’re 1-64th because their great-grandfather married a Canadian Princess. (Me, I plan to take my half-Canadian ancestry and use it to revive the CBC. Namely, by returning “Doctor Who” to Canada and giving it back its original name, “The Red Green Show.”)

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Is a Canadian Princess the daughter of Romana Didulo?

Doctor Who Red Green, that had me cackling 😂

Expand full comment
Karen Langston's avatar

That’s as funny as a Christmas cracker 😂

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

This is the weirdest comparison and I'm here for it 😆 The TARDIS/van comparison is gold lol

Expand full comment
Paul Riddell's avatar

Believe it or not, I started with The Master/Ranger Gord and worked backwards.

Expand full comment
Michael McGuire's avatar

Thanks for the laugh. I will subscribe when I get my pension check next month. I'm retired with none of the needed skills so I'm just going to work my arse off defeating the orange blowfish 🐡.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

I'm so glad I got you a gigle Michael! Your support means the world to me :)

'orange blowfish' 😂

Expand full comment
Suri 🌞's avatar

American Gen Z here! 👋🏻 Canadians will reconsider who’s trotting to which side when we have our first woman in office and an amazing VP in November 🤍 Trump posts are obsolete now.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

In fairness, this post was just a joke hehe. We love Americans (most of y'all). But go Kamala go!

Expand full comment
Karen Langston's avatar

So you got the sorrreeeeyyy in there 🤣 I think a good game of chicken shit should be added to the Hunger games 😂

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

I like your thinking Karen 😂

Expand full comment
Karen Langston's avatar

Why thank you. Such a great compliment. 😂 😂 as displaced Canuck living in the US I find your readings refreshing. The biggest thing I had to adjust was slowing my rate of speech and use simpler words 😂

Expand full comment
Mark Leo's avatar

Australasians (Australia and NZ) might take you in but only if you bring in your own house and land with all the public infrastructure you might need…no, guns aren’t required.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Well that sounds easy enough then 😂

Expand full comment
Kristi Keller 🇨🇦's avatar

Baaaaaaaaahahahaa. This made me laugh for 83 different reasons, the main one being: My now ex-husband is a black American man living in FL. In 2016, the morning Trump was first elected, he messaged me and asked if we could hold off on our divorce until he immigrated here to be with his wife (me 🤣)

He and I are on amazing friendship terms and this has been our running joke for many years...since 2016 to be precise.

PS: Your writing is the wittiest stuff I've ever read. I don't know how you come up with some of the phrases and words. You're brilliant!

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

I love that you guys are still friends--and can joke about it all! I bet when you two got married he assumed the immigration would be working in the reverse haha.

And thank you soo much Kristi!!!!

Expand full comment
Kristi Keller 🇨🇦's avatar

Lol it was supposed to be the reverse but we never made it that far 😁😁 Better as friends!

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

That's sweet. Although there might be easier ways to make friends 😆

Expand full comment
Sieran Lane's avatar

LOLLLL I enjoyed this so much, Robin! XD Your Canadian posts are rad! (Your other posts are too. But I feel these ones more because I'm a Canadian as well, haha.) LMAO our disappointment that the celebrities who promised to move to Canada didn't come. :( Maybe we'll be luckier this time with them. LOL yes, Ryan Reynolds can come back to us, too.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Thanks Sieran! I think we'd all welcome back Ryan with open arms 😂

Expand full comment
Sieran Lane's avatar

We'd all be Deadpool Happy to have him back! 😍

Expand full comment
Denise Heap (private)'s avatar

Well-written. Made me smile.

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Thanks Denise! :)

Expand full comment
Laurie's avatar

Excellent!

Expand full comment
DerpDerpDerp's avatar

"We didn’t think through the decision to add copper roofs to our parliament buildings, which turns green over time."

It's called a "patina".

You're welcome. 😄

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

Ooh I have a new word, nice. It's still weird looking though and I stand by what I said haha

Expand full comment
Maggie Jon's avatar

I'm not sure if it's fake...

Surely not as fake as the beach in Brissie

Expand full comment
Robin Wilding's avatar

We like to keep people guessing 😂

Expand full comment