Barbie Got a MAGA Makeover
Introducing, ‘Trump-Era’ Barbie
Barbie has been given a makeover with each major change in the American zeitgeist. This cultural icon has been given continual rebranded facelifts to keep her relevant in the changing times. And now — we have her MAGA makeover, to represent the state of Murica in 2025.
*Spoilers* — It ain’t pretty.
To make Barbie match the feminine mystique of the current administration, her makeover includes an actual facelift. That’s right, the 2025 Barbie will be proudly sporting the heavily-critiqued ‘Mar-a-Lago face’, or MAL face for short.
MAL face’s iconic look uses an ‘over-operated’ aesthetic, comprising multiple plastic surgeries, fillers, and botox. Her now curiously-raised eyebrows were designed with a combination of Matt Gaetz’s ‘tight face’ look, and MIB’s Edgar the Bug’s face-pull look.
Barbie has now adopted a fully ‘plastic’ look.
To accompany her now reconstructed plastic face, and to complete the MAL look, she also has copious amounts of orange spray tan (an homage to Trump himself), and makeup spackled on with a trowel.
The screwed-on smile that Barbie has been famous for, for decades, has been updated to reflect the current American milieu. She now has a permanent, overall dejected look. She’s sporting a resting ‘wtf’ face, and that’s not just because her face is paralyzed by Botox.
Oh, and she got bangs this year — because that’s what hot girls do when their world is turning to shit.
Her waist is significantly bigger than the previously structurally unsound cinched-in one. This is due to all the potatoes she’s been eating due to fruits and veggies becoming too expensive.
She’s traded in her stilettos this year too, switching her from the iconic perched-feet look — to flat feet. This practical switcheroo was needed because she had to be prepared to run to avoid deportation to an El Salvadoran gulag. And you can’t avoid the gulag draft in 5-inch pumps.
It’s also hard to work at her job picking strawberries in Manolo Blahnik’s.
Barbie’s wardrobe has gotten a Trump tariff-era makeover too.
As part of her makeunder, she’s adopted American-made clothing because as of June 2025, Temu will have a 1007% tariff on it. However, because clothing manufacturing was shipped overseas, they had a limited ensemble of outfits to work with.
The out-of-the-box Barbie will promote this year’s required clothing aesthetic of the Trump administration — burlap potato sacks. But never fear, they have a stylish USAID branding on them, since there are millions of extra bags available.
MAGAccessories
MAGA Barbie’s Dreamhouse is now a ‘tiny home’ because she refuses to live in reality and admit that she’s living in a trailer. So she tags everything with #TinyHomeLife.
Barbie’s boyfriend, Ken, will be rebranded under the name Earl. He comes with an assortment of beer-stained ‘wife beater’ tanktops, a rifle, an assortment of MAGA hats, and a Natty Daddy beer.
Accessories available include: a Barbie Dream Dumpster (complete with working dumpster fire), a pill organizer of antipsychotics and Xanax, a 64-oz Stanley tumbler filled with Russian vodka, and a coat hanger for reproductive health.
Other Barbies in the series include: TradWife Barbie, Knocked-Up Skipper, Unemployed Farmer Ken, and Moved-to-Canada Barbie. *Due to DEI becoming an act of treason, only white-chick Barbies will be released this year.
Place your order today to reserve your very own MAGA Barbie for just $179.89
*currently on backorder while Mattel moves its manufacturing from China, Indonesia, Malaysia, Mexico, and Thailand — to Alabama.
Help this writer save up to buy her new Moved-to-Canada Barbie (once it comes off backorder)
I’d absolutely love your support at any level that’s comfortable for you…
$1 per month (would picking the lowest option make you cheap? Nope, I’d love you)
$2 per month (equal love here)
$3 per month (ditto)
$4 per month (you rebel)
$5 per month (full price because I’d be dumb not to include it)
Don’t have any money? Don’t worry, me neither, and I still love you.
Looks like a drag queen, nice!
Oh my, way too hilarious. The details were so good and really added to the fun!!! Thank you! (Mullets are making a comeback… That has got to be one of the Apocalyptic Signs…)
I have all the parts and accessories to make a spare change Barbie… Now I’m really motivated! 😂
**No judgement or offense intended to those who do solicit spare change, you never know where life is going to lead you and what you’ll do to survive.**