Fucktastic Words to Turbocharge Your Vocab… like Twatopotamus

And Bro-pocalypse

The English language is hilarious in its natural habitat, but when you really pimp the language out with additional literary hijinxery—it’s amazeballs.

Have you been meaning to jazz up your vocab with some abominable swear words and made-up shenanigans? Well, buckle up sprinkletits, because I put together a short glossary of badassery to get your creative juices flowing.

Twatopotamus

A (surprisingly, gender-neutral) nickname for someone who seems to be the largest twat on earth. Alternatives: cuntopotamus, twatosaurus, hippo-twatamus. They’re very versatile words.

Bro-pocalypse

A word you can use to describe a frat party, bachelor party, or any large gathering of dudes doing dumb shit.

Democrapocalypse

Basically, this one is just America right now.

Fuckery

Utter nonsensical, possibly ludicrous bullshit (or, bullshittery).

Clusterfuck

This word is exactly what is sounds like. It’s what happens when fucks cluster.

Clusterfuckery

When utter bullshit forms an entire cyclone of fuckery, sucking up everything in its path and leaving clusters of it in its wake.

Fauxpology

A fake-ass apology.

Resting Douche Face

A gender-neutral term like ‘resting bitch face’, but for utter douchebags. Generally used to describe someone with an utterly punchable face.

Nontroversy

The word for making a controversy out of nothing.

Pregret

When you know you’ll regret something…then do it anyway.

Relax the fuck up

A cooler way to say calm (the fuck) down.

Asspirational

A conscious effort made to be an ass. Being such an arsehole that it becomes inspirational asshattery worthy of replication.

Omnishambles

This one isn’t a curse word. But it’s bloody brilliant. It was made popular in the British show The Thick of It when the main character spouted this line: “Jesus Christ, see you, you are a fucking omnishambles, that’s what you are. You’re like that coffee machine, you know: from bean to cup, you fuck up.”

The Thick of It has some utterly fucktastic lines, like “Oh, great, I’m flypaper for dickheads today.”

Photo by ALTEREDSNAPS on Pexels…edited by this asshat

Douchecanoe

I’m, surprisingly, at a loss for words to define ‘douchecanoe’ — so I’ll refer to Urban Dictionary for this one: “An individual who insists on causing the rest of the earth as much pain as possible” and “Possibly the largest form of douchness”.

Polyticks

Poly is the Greek word for ‘many’, and ticks are parasitic blood suckers. There are far too many polyticks in office.

Whoopsyfuck

This is the foul-mouthed, possibly inbred cousin of whoopsy daisy.

Chucklefuck

A bumbling person, often of low intelligence, who gets themselves into comical quandaries.

Asshat

I have called myself an asshat more times than I can count, and it generally follows me doing something where I was so far up my own ass that I wore myself like a hat.

Abso-fucking-lutely or In-fucking-credible

Yes, I did add these just because I’ll take any fuckpportunity to curse. However, if you’re feeling particularly PG or happen to be an old-school Simpsons fan, you can always go with abso-diddly-lutely.

Snotwagon

Another word for a toddler, child, or other-aged crotchgoblin.

Weapons-grade douchebag

Weapons-grade anything just adds the right emphasis. Weapons-grade bitch, weapons-grade chode yodeler, weapons-grade cock toboggan.

Photo by Brian Lundquist on Unsplash…edited by this twatwaffle.

What the Fucksickle? — Compound Curse Words with 2-Syllable Nouns

There is just something come-hither about compounding curse words with double-syllable nouns. The tricky part here is that they sound best when the swear word uses the same vowel as the first syllable of the noun — making this fancy-as-fuck cursing.

‘What the what now?’ That’s just a verbose way of saying ramming a swear word together with a random object. For example:

• Fuckcycle

• Wankhammer

• Douchenozzle

• Arsebiscuit

• Ass-cactus

• Fucknugget

• Fuckmuppet

• Shitwhistle

• Cockbucket

If I ever make a word-o’-the-day calendar, it will definitely be with compound curse words with double-syllable nouns.

So, if you’ve been looking for a way to pimp out your language, I recommend printing out the above and sticking it to your fridge. Although, yes, I just want to become fridge art so that your friends read it and are confused.

Or tattoo it on your forehead. Whatever makes you remember some of these word nuggets above.

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