Does Dick Size Really Matter?

In our McDonald’s meets Pornhub world — does every meatstick have to be supersized?

As it turns out, bananas are NOT a good comparison for tickle pickle sizing, as the average is 7 inches. Photo by Deon Black

Does it really matter if you have an oversized flesh flute? Or does a skin piccolo hit the same note?

As it turns out, size matters, a lot — to men. According to Psychology Today, almost 70% of men had concerns about the size of their womb broom. That’s a lot of dudes worried about beef whistles. But if you’re a man reading this, and fall into the 70%, you’re not alone.

The Downstairs Math

And there’s good news — kind of. It’s mainly in your head. No, not that one. It turns out that men overestimate the average baloney pony size — which is actually just 13 cm (that’s 5.1 inches in bald-eagle freedom units).

But what about the ladies? Do they prefer a larger heat-seeking moisture missile? Turns out their ideal is only slightly above average, at 16 cm (6 inches in Pabst-NASCAR units). But we don’t really care as it turns out.

As that Psychology Today article noted, only about 20% of women thought purple-headed yogurt slinger size was important. And 85% of women are happy with their partner’s tuna torpedo size.

So despite there being a small number of size queens out there (which exist in the straight and gay worlds as I’ve recently been told), for the most part, we ladies are only interested in the tickle of the pickle.

Lady Sized

It’s unsurprising that women are significantly less concerned than their dangler counterparts about size. Especially when you look at the length of the average inner fur burger.

As it turns out, the average bearded clam is only 2–4 inches deep, which can stretch to 4–8 inches during arousal. That’s right, I don’t know where you think you’re putting that big ole 9-incher you’ve been envious of. But it’s too big for most women. I know that I certainly don’t want that in my penis fly trap.

That big banana just ain’t gonna fit comfortably. Photo by Deon Black.

Does Clam Hammer Size Really Matter?

No. It doesn’t. And anything longer than 6–8 inches and your uterus unicorn is just going to bump heads with an angry cervix.

So stop thinking that we want a baseball bat grafted to your nether regions. We don’t need a minor-league bat inside our bat caves. Well, maybe it’s just mine that has bats.

So, rest easy gentlemen, you’re far too hard-on yourselves.