Pingu is Pissed — So Are the Other Penguins

The feathered fury is flying, and attack plans are being hatched

Just in case you live under a rock, I’ll share the news that Trump went off the deep end in his Depends (again) in creating sweeping tariffs for the planet. I’d say under a rock, or living in some remote unconnected region like Antarctica — but even Antarctica has heard about President Tantrump’s temperamental tariffing.

News of the terrestrial-spanning tariffs even hit Heard Island and McDonald Islands (is that where he thought Big Macs came from?), remote ice-olated islands in the Antarctic that are now being tariffed. And the penguins that live there are totally flipper-gasted.

That’s right — pay up, Chilly Willy.

But Happy Feet isn’t so happy anymore.

And Pingu is pissed.

The penguins are pissed at the tariff rate of 10% — and they can’t see their fishy businesses suffer under the new unfair regulations. They can’t afford 10%, they’re currently in a polar bear market. They’d have to go to a loan shark because they don’t have enough money in their snowbanks.

But the penguins have a plan. Peng-win or peng-lose — they came to play.

Just like James Bond, they have a few tricks up their tuxedo sleeves.

Their master plan? Well, Heard Island and the McDonald Islands are about two-thirds of the way from Madagascar to Antarctica. So on their way, they’re swinging by Madagascar.

They’ve recruited — dun, dun, dun — The Penguins of Madagascar.

That’s right, they’ve got Skipper, Kowalski, Private, and Rico at their services now, and it’s time for all-out war. Their feathers are even more ruffled than the Heard penguins, since Madagascarian penguins will be tariffed at a whopping 47% due to Trump’s magical math.

They are planning a full-on assault and will storm the country by land and sea. ICE can’t stop them, they’ve been manipulating ice for years. They were born on it, molded by it — it’s in their blood.

Kowalski, the designated intelligence officer of the Penguin Commandos, has been tasked with winning the hearts and minds of the natives. It shouldn’t be hard to do with liberals, who already want to push Trump onto a sheet of ice and float him away. The Republicans might be tougher fish to fry, but he’s bringing his lights and music show from Madagascar 3 as he heard they were easily distractable due to shiny-object syndrome.

Rico is working on special tactical equipment and is preparing to storm Mar-a-Lago.

However, he’ll have to go into stealth mode as America just put Rico on the FBI Most Wanted list.

And their backup plan is that the penguins will threaten to smuggle more fentanyl into the country, which they’ve been doing for years.

Just wait until Trump finds out that there’s an Emperor Penguin.

Viva la Penguistance!

Here in Canada, we’ve gone elbows up since Trump began taunting us with his tiresome tariffs. And now, the penguins have joined the flock to fight. We The North are joining They The South.

So, waddle you waiting for penguins?

Flippers up my feathered friends, flippers up.

#FlippersUp

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