Thank you Robin, my friend and honorary niece! Due to fucked up circumstances (demanding career, Alzheimered husband who bankrupted us, my "retirement" to be his caretaker, and his subsequent death), I am living in a trumpy town with no deep friends, far away from everyone I knew before. My kids are very far away. I have no deep friends. I am so glad I stumbled into Substack to find a bright, witty community! I sure would like to find a Mike, though. I miss touch. ❤️
Wow. This resonates so hard. Every part of it, down to the non-drinking. Fellow 8%-er here hailing from SW Ontario. This started my day off on such a positive note (well, this and the XL Timmy's). Thank you for sharing, and for knowing. ❤️🇨🇦
100% this! I was just telling my dogs yesterday that they were my best friends (my husband's cool with coming in second). I learned early on in life that most "friends" are really situational acquaintances and to be mostly ok with that. But I'll admit to occasionally feeling lonely, but more feeling like I should be feeling lonely and kept out. Posts like this help readjust my perspective - thanks, Robin!
hehe, I'm glad your hubby is cool with coming in second to your dog. I love that we're finding our people here in this comment section, I knew I wasn't alone in this. The occasional loneliness is real for sure.
I'm also in that group of people having very few close friends, but I do feel friendship in the writers group and here at substack too. Cool that you put a spot on this! Greetings from my dog to yours, we couldn't live without them.
If it weren’t for my wife and my one neighbor (I live in a rural area) I wouldn’t have any friends, but since I’ve always been sort of a loner it doesn’t really bother me. But I will say that in the 6 months since I joined Substack I’ve felt a whole lot less alone than I used to, and it’s a good feeling.
I'm sure that's many people. I'm pretty clean (most days haha), but I don't care if a friend's place is a mess. If you're really good friends, I don't think it should matter at all. It may be that the only person that matters to, is you.
My reality is that I don’t notice ‘the mess’ until someone says they’re dropping around- which isn’t often- and then it’s like my eyes finally open and go OH SHIT😂
All of this. I have difficulty connecting with others because of a lack of shared interests. I found more connections online than in 'real life.' I'm fine with this, given I have the time to work on improving myself and fixing the parts that need attention. It's been a hell of a journey and I'm still in it.
Exactly this. I'm not exactly fine with not having found real life connections, though. I have maybe three IRL friends, but I don't see them IRL very much. They're somewhat younger and are still working. (I've been medically retired* for several years and a senior.) Senior loneliness is a real thing. If it wasn't for my wife, dogs, and cats...
That's exactly it, many people have IRL friends but barely see them. I technically know real humans too, but they're not real friends.
Senior loneliness is definitely a thing! Ouch on the spinal pain. I feel you there, I have chronic pain from craniocervical instability, amongst other things. Pain sucks.
I moved from rural SW Ontario to Central Florida in 2002 and then back to rural ON north of Toronto. I have always had limited friends. Now with politics, COVID denial and just general ignorance around me, I have few people that I can honestly say are friends.
The "non-drinker" part is a real eye-opener because I can be around people who drink and it doesn't bother me. My not drinking seems to bother people who drink more.
I have connected with more people online than in person. It's actually how I met my spouse back in 1999 on ICQ.
Umm...can I quote 96% of the sentences in this post? Most notably: "Not one person in my offline life even reads my writing" and "I don’t fit into society. I’m not a mom like most women my age, I don’t drink, and I work home alone." Holy ever-loving shitballs, do I feel seen.
I would also like to add that as one of the Kristi Keller/Dre Beltrami gang, we talk about you all the time, and you are an honorary member, even if maybe you didn't know that. And one day, we are all going to get together in real life so we can finally say that every single friend we have who reads our work and to whom we can talk about our passions is, in fact, someone whose face we have seen in person. So keep an eye out for your snail-mailed invite on fancy cardstock.
Robin, you’re not alone. Kristi is exceptional. She’s very kind and I want to hang out with her myself. I am going to find the time and the money to subscribe to her. I’d love to hear all her stories. OK I’m gone now. I’m going to watch episode that you put in the article. Anytime you need to talk shout me out.✌️ great article. I hope you feel better. I do understand pain.💕👀
Hmmm most of my I thought good friends went psycho for Trump - said really , really bad things to and about me !! So needless to say , I have one good friend horrified by current admin and deeply involved in a relationship / her life
I lost my "best friend" to COVID antivaxing. She didn't even have a parting conversation with me. I was stunned by it but in retrospect I shouldn't have been surprised.
Love this Robin, it totally resonates..... but after I got really sick with a severe chronic pain condition, I found myself not really giving a shit. I've got my (also ill) senior cat that I'm caring for, no dogs anymore 😞.....a few friends scattered all over the place and we keep in touch by phone or text etc. But, I'm actually fine being alone, I'm used to it.... I can live the way I want, don't answer to anyone....(Finally).....if I can't sleep all night because of a pain setback, I can stay in bed all day without listening to any bullshit about it. It's good that way.
Sometimes I need things done around the house and have to hire someone, but mostly I try to do as much as I can.
So I say, let our collective "freak flags" fly ! 😊🙏💕🐾
Ooph, I get all of that. Being in chronic pain can really make you not a give a shit sometimes, and the exhaustion can be worse than the actual pain. And I get being fine being alone too.
You can always drop me a line if you're needing a friendly chat....if my wonky Substack email system allows it, I'll reply 😊. It's not letting me reply to many messages I get, not sure why. One or two times then it goes into a coma or something 😆
This article really resonates with me. Yeah, I’m one of the 8% but I’m also among that group I used to think of in my 20s as the moldy oldies.
I haven’t done the research but I do see a hell of a lot of 60 to 80 year old women who spent their lives holding up the walls for their children only to wake up one day and discover they’ve built a cocoon around themselves, especially those without a significant other.
Like you, I moved a lot both as a child and an adult. Moss doesn’t grow on a rolling stone nor does it allow for relationships to develop with people you don’t actually live with.
There should be a “Find Your Tribe App”. I’d subscribe. lol
Thank you Robin, my friend and honorary niece! Due to fucked up circumstances (demanding career, Alzheimered husband who bankrupted us, my "retirement" to be his caretaker, and his subsequent death), I am living in a trumpy town with no deep friends, far away from everyone I knew before. My kids are very far away. I have no deep friends. I am so glad I stumbled into Substack to find a bright, witty community! I sure would like to find a Mike, though. I miss touch. ❤️
Ooph that sounds rough Cheri, but I'm glad you found Substack like I did! It's great to have the community here. :)
Do you live in Boise? Do you have a dog? We can be friends. Let's take the dogs for a walk.
Nope. I live in Connecticut, but I do have a dog. I wish we were nearby!
❤️🩹
Wow. This resonates so hard. Every part of it, down to the non-drinking. Fellow 8%-er here hailing from SW Ontario. This started my day off on such a positive note (well, this and the XL Timmy's). Thank you for sharing, and for knowing. ❤️🇨🇦
I'm so glad it resonated! And with a fellow Canucklehead, another Ontario peep at that! XL Timmy's is the proper size of Timmies 😆😆
Agreed! Remember when L was XL and we thought that was huge? That was adorable. 😆 Cheers! ☕
100% this! I was just telling my dogs yesterday that they were my best friends (my husband's cool with coming in second). I learned early on in life that most "friends" are really situational acquaintances and to be mostly ok with that. But I'll admit to occasionally feeling lonely, but more feeling like I should be feeling lonely and kept out. Posts like this help readjust my perspective - thanks, Robin!
hehe, I'm glad your hubby is cool with coming in second to your dog. I love that we're finding our people here in this comment section, I knew I wasn't alone in this. The occasional loneliness is real for sure.
I'm also in that group of people having very few close friends, but I do feel friendship in the writers group and here at substack too. Cool that you put a spot on this! Greetings from my dog to yours, we couldn't live without them.
If it weren’t for my wife and my one neighbor (I live in a rural area) I wouldn’t have any friends, but since I’ve always been sort of a loner it doesn’t really bother me. But I will say that in the 6 months since I joined Substack I’ve felt a whole lot less alone than I used to, and it’s a good feeling.
Based on how many comments this post has gotten, there's a lot of people like us.
And Substack, it's a good feeling indeed!
Part of the problem is honestly that we are afraid to invite friends over because our houses are messy.
Or maybe that’s just me. But I am only comfortable having old friends see my messes. And I can’t keep up with the housework and yard work.
I'm sure that's many people. I'm pretty clean (most days haha), but I don't care if a friend's place is a mess. If you're really good friends, I don't think it should matter at all. It may be that the only person that matters to, is you.
My reality is that I don’t notice ‘the mess’ until someone says they’re dropping around- which isn’t often- and then it’s like my eyes finally open and go OH SHIT😂
That's me too!
This!!
All of this. I have difficulty connecting with others because of a lack of shared interests. I found more connections online than in 'real life.' I'm fine with this, given I have the time to work on improving myself and fixing the parts that need attention. It's been a hell of a journey and I'm still in it.
It really is hard to find IRL friends in your area with shared interests! I'm glad you're taking the time to work on yourself though :)
Exactly this. I'm not exactly fine with not having found real life connections, though. I have maybe three IRL friends, but I don't see them IRL very much. They're somewhat younger and are still working. (I've been medically retired* for several years and a senior.) Senior loneliness is a real thing. If it wasn't for my wife, dogs, and cats...
*chronic pain from spinal damage
That's exactly it, many people have IRL friends but barely see them. I technically know real humans too, but they're not real friends.
Senior loneliness is definitely a thing! Ouch on the spinal pain. I feel you there, I have chronic pain from craniocervical instability, amongst other things. Pain sucks.
I moved from rural SW Ontario to Central Florida in 2002 and then back to rural ON north of Toronto. I have always had limited friends. Now with politics, COVID denial and just general ignorance around me, I have few people that I can honestly say are friends.
The "non-drinker" part is a real eye-opener because I can be around people who drink and it doesn't bother me. My not drinking seems to bother people who drink more.
I have connected with more people online than in person. It's actually how I met my spouse back in 1999 on ICQ.
Our not-drinking does seem to bother others, even if the reverse doesn't seem to bother us. It's wild.
Awww you met on ICQ, that's adorable. As soon as I read ICQ my brain did the sound effect 'uh oh!'
Happily married for 23 yrs!!! LOL yes the sound was great!
BTW I have your post about "the 2027 American War with Canada" as a pinned post on FB. I hope that's okay! I peed myself reading it.
Umm...can I quote 96% of the sentences in this post? Most notably: "Not one person in my offline life even reads my writing" and "I don’t fit into society. I’m not a mom like most women my age, I don’t drink, and I work home alone." Holy ever-loving shitballs, do I feel seen.
I would also like to add that as one of the Kristi Keller/Dre Beltrami gang, we talk about you all the time, and you are an honorary member, even if maybe you didn't know that. And one day, we are all going to get together in real life so we can finally say that every single friend we have who reads our work and to whom we can talk about our passions is, in fact, someone whose face we have seen in person. So keep an eye out for your snail-mailed invite on fancy cardstock.
Oh I adore that it resonated so much! I knew I'd find some of my people with it.
Y'all talk about me? Can I come hangout? haha. Ok, I'll wait for the snail mail.
Oh yes, please hangout out with us! Do you use Voxer, the voice messaging app?
Wow! Did this ever resonate with me! Thank you for this. Truly.
Robin, you’re not alone. Kristi is exceptional. She’s very kind and I want to hang out with her myself. I am going to find the time and the money to subscribe to her. I’d love to hear all her stories. OK I’m gone now. I’m going to watch episode that you put in the article. Anytime you need to talk shout me out.✌️ great article. I hope you feel better. I do understand pain.💕👀
Aww, thanks Lisa! :)
Wow, do I feel seen... Thank you for this, Robin! 💓
Hmmm most of my I thought good friends went psycho for Trump - said really , really bad things to and about me !! So needless to say , I have one good friend horrified by current admin and deeply involved in a relationship / her life
I lost my "best friend" to COVID antivaxing. She didn't even have a parting conversation with me. I was stunned by it but in retrospect I shouldn't have been surprised.
So sorry (( hugs))
Very heartfelt article Robin... I just want to hug you, so fee free to receive, take, slap, or beat one out of me. :-)
Aww thanks Dave, I love a good hug! :)
Love this Robin, it totally resonates..... but after I got really sick with a severe chronic pain condition, I found myself not really giving a shit. I've got my (also ill) senior cat that I'm caring for, no dogs anymore 😞.....a few friends scattered all over the place and we keep in touch by phone or text etc. But, I'm actually fine being alone, I'm used to it.... I can live the way I want, don't answer to anyone....(Finally).....if I can't sleep all night because of a pain setback, I can stay in bed all day without listening to any bullshit about it. It's good that way.
Sometimes I need things done around the house and have to hire someone, but mostly I try to do as much as I can.
So I say, let our collective "freak flags" fly ! 😊🙏💕🐾
Ooph, I get all of that. Being in chronic pain can really make you not a give a shit sometimes, and the exhaustion can be worse than the actual pain. And I get being fine being alone too.
Collective freak flags, 100%! :)
You can always drop me a line if you're needing a friendly chat....if my wonky Substack email system allows it, I'll reply 😊. It's not letting me reply to many messages I get, not sure why. One or two times then it goes into a coma or something 😆
This article really resonates with me. Yeah, I’m one of the 8% but I’m also among that group I used to think of in my 20s as the moldy oldies.
I haven’t done the research but I do see a hell of a lot of 60 to 80 year old women who spent their lives holding up the walls for their children only to wake up one day and discover they’ve built a cocoon around themselves, especially those without a significant other.
Like you, I moved a lot both as a child and an adult. Moss doesn’t grow on a rolling stone nor does it allow for relationships to develop with people you don’t actually live with.
There should be a “Find Your Tribe App”. I’d subscribe. lol
moldy oldies haha.
That's such a good point about moms who built this world only for it to be a cocoon later.
Somebody needs to make that app! There are friend-finding apps, I tried one a while back, but I couldn't find anyone seemingly like me.