24 Fun Ways to Get Fired

For when you want to quit anyway, but want to go out with a bang

Sep 27, 2025

If your job is as much fun as sandpapering a crocodile’s ass in a telephone booth, you may start daydreaming about fun ways to quit. Like with a banner and mariachi band. But quitting doesn’t get you severance that you can use to fund a vacation to Kuala Lumpur.

Get your ass fired instead.

That’s right, before you get recruited by another company, get decruited by yours.

The new trend is ‘quiet quitting’, where you do the absolute bare minimum until they fire you. I however, call that long quitting. It takes far too much time, and you’d have to spend far too many more days listening to your coworker’s chewing noises.

Speed up the quiet quitting process by getting rapidly de-hired. It’s less of a bare-minimum approach and more of a whole-assed and bare-assed approach.

I’ll give you some fun ideas to get you decruited faster than Marlene in marketing spread that water-cooler gossip that Bill banged Ted’s wife at the Christmas party…

Bang your boss’s wife/husband. If they have a husband and you’re a straight dude, I suppose it’ll take some real commitment here to get that severance package…by giving Bill your package.
Hire a body double to start going to work for you. Get paid the delta of what you get paid vs the smaller amount you pay them, until your boss finally notices and fires you.
If you work in customer support or tech support, start telling all your calls to ‘just google it’.
Start buying cocaine on the company card.
Start showing up in increasingly unhinged outfits. Go from business attire to business casual to casual casual until you’re rocking up to work in Crocs and a bathrobe. If that doesn’t work, start wearing random uniforms like scrubs, a hard hat (to your office job), and each character from The Village People.
Begin picking which assignments you’ll do based on a shake of the ole Magic 8 Ball.
Fart in meetings. Bonus points if you’re wearing a t-shirt that says ‘this meeting should’ve been an email’.
Begin outsourcing your job to China.
Send all of your emails in Comic Sans.
Start bringing your emotional support ferret to work. If ferrets are too ‘bitey’ for you, consider a parrot or peacock.
Begin every day with an unsanctioned ‘team building’ activity, like water balloon fights.
Set up a pentagram on the floor of your workstation, then put on a giant black cloak and walk around it while chanting. Repeat in increasing intervals until you’re fired, and until then, tell people you’ve converted to a new religion. Bonus points: try to convert them to your new religion by telling them it has mandatory religious breaks.
Put up ropes around your workstation and tell everyone it’s your dojo.
Start a Fight Club in said Dojo.
Xerox your ass. Since these machines are high-tech now, you can CC the HR department directly from the machine if you’re looking to fast-track being shit-canned. Don’t CC them if you want them to solve it like it’s the office murder-mystery event.
Set up a fort under your desk, complete with pillows and pretty string lighting. Invite colleagues under there for ‘important meetings’.
Reply to all your work emails with only GIFs. (Fun fact: I was bored applying for writing gigs before and sent a few applications in with a funny gif…I got hired.)
If you work remotely, keep logging onto Zoom in fun locations (like the lake, pool, Disneyland, etc.) until they have to fire you because the others are all asking to go remote too.
Spend at least half your day turning office supplies into ‘corporate Transformers’.
Start live-tweeting all your meeting notes.
Start broadcasting live on social media every time there’s a disagreement between coworkers, giving running commentary on who you think is winning.
Cover your workstation with as many plants as will possibly fit, then start a running commentary on the office in the style of David Attenborough.
Set up a mani-pedi station at your cubicle, and tell people that you’re not paid enough and you need this ‘side hustle’.
Start a petition in your office to implement a more academic-style employee model, with a hyper focus on sabaticals and tenure.

There you have it, 24 fun ways to spice up your ‘early retirement’. Pick just one or go for a gaggle of them to get yourself ‘promoted to customer’. The latter will speed up the process of being laid off (side note: how come no one ever gets ‘laid on’?) faster though. Just sayin’.

Anyhoozy, enjoy your paid time off after you’re immediately put through HR’s ‘Career Alternatives Enhancement Program’.

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