😂😂😂 #2! I had a couple years in college that everywhere I went, a woman would end up walking ahead. She’d see the big “rapist” behind her and speed up. But now she’s only just met my natural pace and why is she walking toward my car? Now she’s panicking and about to fall down in heels.
Some of them broke into an open jog or run. Meanwhile, I look like Captain America, and I’m muttering under my breath “Dammit, why? I’m the guy that would rescue you, not the threat.” 😂🤷♂️
Shout out, "I can be your hero, baby! I can wipe away your tears." That will put women in ease, at night, in the dark with streetlights few and far between.
But seriously. I can't think of anything a man could do to make a woman alone feel safe if he's walking behind her, other than crossing the street and saying, "I'm crossing the street so you don't feel scared, but I'll keep an eye out in case someone dangerous approaches you." And, even that might seem a bit weird.
I wouldn’t mind it, if it put her mind at ease. The problem was it was almost always a parking lot, and she was nearly always headed in virtually the same direction as my car.
One time I even changed direction and went wildly out of my way to circle around to my car. But I realized that changing direction probably only convinced her that I had been following her. 🙄
I understand. It’s a no-win situation. I’d have no idea how to negotiate a situation like that, if I was a man. I mean, really, what can you do to show you aren’t a threat?
Most often I slowed to a painfully slow pace to allow her to increase the distance and I would look around as if I was on a casual stroll. That way if she looked back she would be put at ease.
It was a weird two year period. It happened a lot and I told a coworker of mine about it. On a regular basis. Then one evening he and I ran into each other at the campus of our local junior college and we started walking out to the parking lot. After dinner, so it was dark. As we walked past the drama building to the parking lot, a young woman exited the side door of the building in front of us and begin walking ahead of us maybe only 20 feet. She looked back at me, then started jogging toward the parking lot.
My friend just started laughing his ass off and said, “dude I thought you were exaggerating! She looked right at you and started running.“😂😂😂
I even asked a female coworker about it, why she thought maybe it was happening so much and she just said that I was so tall and intimidating that they felt helpless. She said they would have no chance to outrun me and no chance to fight back.
Like, I know it's not an actual CRIME to be a lookie-loo window shoppin' cheapskate, but it still feels like the clerks are giving me the side-eye when I leave a store without buying anything.
Also, I don't shoplift. I KNOW that I don't shoplift. But what if I subconsciously DO? Like what if my brain's off past the second star straight on to La La Land, and my hands are pulling a klepto?
It's especially bad whenever I walk past those anti-theft detectors that just about every place has nowadays. I KNOW they won't go off because I didn't DO anything that would make them go off, but what if they. Y'know. Go off??
Like what if some prankster ninja slipped something into my purse or slapped one of those sensors onto my clothes and then I have to either prove that they're mine or perform amateur striptease hour at a Dollar Tree??
Ah, the "joys" of social anxiety and all of the irrational thoughts that come with it. 🥲
#8 is me. I buy nearly all my clothes from the same store (Chicos, or as I like to call it "Forever 51" if you need to know). I do this because they ALWAYS fit. I know my size and that's that. But yeah, when I walk into a bricks and mortar Chicos, I feel weird...
Anything around a cop, anything at all. Also, terror when filing tax returns, in case I’ve made a mistake (I’m not mathletic) that will land me in federal prison for life. . . Even though I make hilariously little money as a pensioner.
I get into a cold sweat and tears just thinking about the tax return. I was fortunate to have a friend (business school dean) who did taxes, who did mine for a few years. Sadly, he passed away this spring.
"We put our hands at 10 and 2, and avoid eye contact like we’re Extra-Strength-Tylenol-level on the autism scale." Cracked me up! When I see cops I act like there's 50 pounds of coke in my trunk--and I live near the border, so that makes me act extra paranoid!
13. Using self-checkout. The machine says “unexpected item in bagging area” with the confidence of a detective who just found the body, and suddenly you’re explaining a perfectly legal avocado to a teenager wearing a Walmart vest.
Great list. Sums up every self-conscious moment in my life - pardonnnnnn moi for breathin' or some shit.
Add "walking past any part of an elementary school block as part of one's morning walk",
Extra retiree-paranoid points for super buttock fear-clench if one is wearing a hoodie for warmth and a ball cap to hide bedhead and sunglasses ('cause its bright out - Duuuuuh).
I feel lucky somedays to not get harpooned with a tazer when I dare to step out the door!
Leaving the neighbors house out the back door while looking around 🫣
I never use a grocery store's reusable shopping bag at that store unless it looks a bit worn.
Ooh good one, yeah, otherwise it looks like you're stealing it.
😂😂😂 #2! I had a couple years in college that everywhere I went, a woman would end up walking ahead. She’d see the big “rapist” behind her and speed up. But now she’s only just met my natural pace and why is she walking toward my car? Now she’s panicking and about to fall down in heels.
Some of them broke into an open jog or run. Meanwhile, I look like Captain America, and I’m muttering under my breath “Dammit, why? I’m the guy that would rescue you, not the threat.” 😂🤷♂️
😆😆. If that occurs again, just put on your best gay voice and yell 'Those shoes are fierce'. Accompany with a snap for effect.
😂😂😂😂
Shout out, "I can be your hero, baby! I can wipe away your tears." That will put women in ease, at night, in the dark with streetlights few and far between.
😂😂 why didn’t I think of that? 😎
😂
But seriously. I can't think of anything a man could do to make a woman alone feel safe if he's walking behind her, other than crossing the street and saying, "I'm crossing the street so you don't feel scared, but I'll keep an eye out in case someone dangerous approaches you." And, even that might seem a bit weird.
I wouldn’t mind it, if it put her mind at ease. The problem was it was almost always a parking lot, and she was nearly always headed in virtually the same direction as my car.
One time I even changed direction and went wildly out of my way to circle around to my car. But I realized that changing direction probably only convinced her that I had been following her. 🙄
I understand. It’s a no-win situation. I’d have no idea how to negotiate a situation like that, if I was a man. I mean, really, what can you do to show you aren’t a threat?
Most often I slowed to a painfully slow pace to allow her to increase the distance and I would look around as if I was on a casual stroll. That way if she looked back she would be put at ease.
It was a weird two year period. It happened a lot and I told a coworker of mine about it. On a regular basis. Then one evening he and I ran into each other at the campus of our local junior college and we started walking out to the parking lot. After dinner, so it was dark. As we walked past the drama building to the parking lot, a young woman exited the side door of the building in front of us and begin walking ahead of us maybe only 20 feet. She looked back at me, then started jogging toward the parking lot.
My friend just started laughing his ass off and said, “dude I thought you were exaggerating! She looked right at you and started running.“😂😂😂
I even asked a female coworker about it, why she thought maybe it was happening so much and she just said that I was so tall and intimidating that they felt helpless. She said they would have no chance to outrun me and no chance to fight back.
🤣
Oh, I feel these so hard, but ESPECIALLY #7.
Like, I know it's not an actual CRIME to be a lookie-loo window shoppin' cheapskate, but it still feels like the clerks are giving me the side-eye when I leave a store without buying anything.
Also, I don't shoplift. I KNOW that I don't shoplift. But what if I subconsciously DO? Like what if my brain's off past the second star straight on to La La Land, and my hands are pulling a klepto?
It's especially bad whenever I walk past those anti-theft detectors that just about every place has nowadays. I KNOW they won't go off because I didn't DO anything that would make them go off, but what if they. Y'know. Go off??
Like what if some prankster ninja slipped something into my purse or slapped one of those sensors onto my clothes and then I have to either prove that they're mine or perform amateur striptease hour at a Dollar Tree??
Ah, the "joys" of social anxiety and all of the irrational thoughts that come with it. 🥲
😆😆😆 'what if I subconsciously DO?' Exactly. Hands could get that errant hand syndrome and go all klepto.
#8 is me. I buy nearly all my clothes from the same store (Chicos, or as I like to call it "Forever 51" if you need to know). I do this because they ALWAYS fit. I know my size and that's that. But yeah, when I walk into a bricks and mortar Chicos, I feel weird...
😆😆 Forever 51. I've been looking for that store, I aged out of Forever 21 but there was never a 'Suddenly 43' option.
Forever 51 lol
Out-right prolonged laughter (from 1,000 clowns movie)!!
BTW: did you know humor is the hardest thing to write?
The best thing to read first thing in the morning, too. A thousand thanks....
hahaa that's a great description of your laughter.
Humor is a challenge, for me the hardest thing to write is probably legalese (since I can't even read it).
and how often would you need to?? like never.
Anything around a cop, anything at all. Also, terror when filing tax returns, in case I’ve made a mistake (I’m not mathletic) that will land me in federal prison for life. . . Even though I make hilariously little money as a pensioner.
Good one, again Robin ☺️❤️!
Oh the tax one, 100%. Mathletic is a great word. And yeah we all feel like we just accidentally committed tax fraud each time.
I get into a cold sweat and tears just thinking about the tax return. I was fortunate to have a friend (business school dean) who did taxes, who did mine for a few years. Sadly, he passed away this spring.
Yes to all of that.
By the way, ‘Can I use my Himalayan salt lamp like a salt lick?’ Can I? Please don't make me google.
It's not for me, my cat wants to know.
😁
😆 You can tell them no, they can't.
😂
"We put our hands at 10 and 2, and avoid eye contact like we’re Extra-Strength-Tylenol-level on the autism scale." Cracked me up! When I see cops I act like there's 50 pounds of coke in my trunk--and I live near the border, so that makes me act extra paranoid!
😆😆😆 Acting like there's 50lbs of coke in your trunk is such an accurate description
Walking behind someone, Leaving a store empty handed and Putting something you own into your pocket or bag... Top 3 for me.
#3!!! I do #3 all the time! I didn’t know other people felt like this too. It’s almost like you were watching me at the store. 🧐🤔
.... I might be ;)
13. Using self-checkout. The machine says “unexpected item in bagging area” with the confidence of a detective who just found the body, and suddenly you’re explaining a perfectly legal avocado to a teenager wearing a Walmart vest.
😆
Eating in front of people who are not eating. Every bite feels critiqued.
Ooh, good one.
Great list. Sums up every self-conscious moment in my life - pardonnnnnn moi for breathin' or some shit.
Add "walking past any part of an elementary school block as part of one's morning walk",
Extra retiree-paranoid points for super buttock fear-clench if one is wearing a hoodie for warmth and a ball cap to hide bedhead and sunglasses ('cause its bright out - Duuuuuh).
I feel lucky somedays to not get harpooned with a tazer when I dare to step out the door!
Ooh good addition about the school. Although I suspect that's more of a dude suss fear
Wearing a mask and sunglasses into a bank 🤣 Thanks for the Snickers this morning ☕ and will reStack ASAP 💯👍
12/12